I know….I know…haven’t been around for quite a while. But then again..u know..the sweet pleasure of comin home.

Last night i found myself practically at the gates of Hell. Such a weird place..the place where u find urself at the edge of ur soul. Look down and see nothin, absolutely nothin; look back ..then again, u see everything u do not want to see anymore. which way to go? Nowhere. That is how u feel every time ur soul is full of somethin. Therefore..I argue my thesis here: it is a critical feature of the human system: the soul has to recicle every once in a while…stupid thing, someone had promissed eternity but not endless amounts of ’soulish’ substance.

Due to this mishappening I obviously had to give smth up, smth had to be emptied in order to keep it beating..and..hmmm..i so love that beat sound.

I give away through speach and gesture. Last night, my jerkish ex had safely turned off his phone(that’s what u do thinkin all girls ought to be fairy tales) and my mom just couldn’t be woken up. I was sitting at 4 am upon some stairs at the tenth floor of a stupd dormitory, bitting the tips of my knees, hugging myself in order not to loose any part of me. Hapilly..I managed my way home. Budapest was just waking up when I crossed the bridge over the Danube at 7 am. The Parliament was half sunny, half shadowed by fog. The world still breathing, felt like worth while…

I managed reaching my mom around 9. I cried into the phone begging her to promiss she’d never leave me standin’, that she’d never let me out bitting myself, trying to recover pieces of what I used to be. And, no…she did not. I am still her kitten. That’s all it takes in order live quiet, if one has a healthy conscience. Just knowin that someone out there cannot live without u does it. It’s worth living till the end.

Do not jerk around with ppl. When everyone turns their back u will no longer find a self amongst dead criteria. #I luv my mom and dad, and my best friend who beggs me to get over. That’s how I know. It is definetly worth while. and enjoying…

I am developing myself right now in a bar, with colleagues. Talkin on mess with my friends, planning cooking events with my colleagues. Life tastes good at certain times, when u get out of pain. Really good indeed. The painkillers however, oh..the painkillers..those could kill u!