Magiun vs. Chocolate

August 27th, 2006

Astazi…prietena mea Oana ma suna din Panagaratzi (o localitate aproape de Piatra Neamt unde parintii ei, obositi de o viata la oras, s-au retras si si-au facut o casa).

Este prima vara in care Oana se intoarce acasa si este nevoita sa isi ia adio de la cluburile si cofetariile din Piatra si sa reziste eroic la polifonia redusa a greierilor si a trenurilor care trec din cand in cand prin zona. Oana a studiat cu mine in Cj cinci ani de zile, dar pe langa fascinatia “marelui burg”, a mai petrecut si cateva veri in America…

In fine…azi ma suna Oana si, aducandu-si aminte de toate acele seri de studenta din Cj in care, stand in fatza calculatorului, i se facea pofta de ciocolata la 12 noaptea si faceam amandoua un raid nocturn la non-stop, imi spune dezamagita:

-         Mai ….ca sa iti inchipui cum e aici…ieri dupa-maiza mi s-a facut pofta de ciocolata si am vrut sa ma duc sa imi iau. Ce crezi ca imi spun astia..ca nu am de unde; singurul magazin era deschis doar pana la 2.

-         Da mai..asta e..viata la tzara :) Tu iti dai seama cate gravide de-acolo traiesc doar pe magiun si corcoduse cand li se face pofta?

Consecintza logika ar fi…in Pangaratzi sigur se nasc multi copii de culoarea prunei si cu capete perfect rotunde…toate acele corcoduse coapte care au acceptat rolul de fake chocolate si nu au ajuns in burta unui butoi cu tzuika..sau rachiu..cin’ stie ce se bea la Pangaratzi..cand nu e deschis la magazin..sa iei ca tot omu’ un PET de Norok.

 

‘Israel vs. Lebanon’ or ‘How is it to stand at the end of the row when u went out to buy peace?’

August 20th, 2006

I came out with this funny-hazy title cauz’ the latest news simply cried for a crisis of black humor; that’s my reaction to stupid stuff that outrages me…crisis of pure nervous laughter.

So…let me begin…

Last week I‘d heard on CNN a conversation between a CNN reporter and a guy from the UN General Secretary’s office. The conversation aimed at dissolving the fog that surrounded the oh-so striking news of the oh-so brave soldiers that were to be deployed in Lebanon as a contribution to the already notorious UN’s peace enforcement and peace-keeping actions.

First…the very words ‘peace’ + ‘enforcement’ made me sick since the first time I heard it in school. I mean….can peace really be enforced? Can u walse ur way though peace with fire-arms, the same way u walsed during the war?

For all those strategy builders out there….that’s a silly question and the answer is conceived in the belly of simple war-logics:

‘Yeah, of course u can,..u dummie! There’s no other way. How ‘da hell are u gonna stop  the crazy men baring guns if u ain’t got the guts and experience of baring one urself ?’. J

About the peace-enforcement utopia…. Ya,..basically,..that is the real deal…it’s obvious…u can’t obtain a cease fire, unless.. u appear on the stage with a larger weapon or a more numerous army. If only those were the only rules of the game..the operation of frightening up the anger and making it stop.

This play is not a monologue. War has a distinct sophisticated mechanism. So let’s say:

Character no1: we got UN as an international body …who is bound to act strategic and awfully pragmatic; first because it supports the heavy critical eye of international press; second …cauz’ it prefers such actions which are after all very dual as meaning, and that’s a very fine image equation.

By acting like that u get:

a. the humanitarian objective marked out- I mean..obviously: why the cease-fire, if not to stop the killing;

b. u carefully avoid the real disputes about the real subjects, putting them on delay, cauz’ of the primary humanitarian objective; only, funny thing, afterwards….u tend to go into a sort of international amnesia…and u start peace-enforcement, then peace-building, then peace-keeping, then, …the after-math  of peace,…only by that time u’ve already taken ur tail out of the territory…it’s their blame again, u did not interfere, u’ve helped actually, and at high-costs…the whole world knows that. It’s not ur failure…it’s theirs, once again. So what do u do? Proclaim a whole new cease fire. By this time, hopefully…a generation of soldiers has changed…so they won’t make any fuss about it.

Character no.2: we got the citizens of the countries were peace is to be enforced.

And here I mean plain, normal citizens; not soldiers, nor politicians, the citizens walking that walk on the street, follow the road, get to the bridge, wanna’ cross it, but the bridge ain’t no more, so they turn around, get wood and rope..try again..

To these citizens peace-enforcement is not actually a bliss. Green uniforms down the street don’t mean the war is over. It’s just one more proof of danger standing at the gates somewhere nearby.

Larger effectives? Oh,..that’s just a bigger threat…means more arms baring weapons, more people waiting to be killed..and, more important, more people being authorized in order to do the killing.

For these citizens, international forces are no medicine; that’s just one more thing to worry about and live in fear. They see them as intruders, as people baring a false mandate to deploy authority. They hate them for intruding, they hate them for the space they’re violating, they hate them for having the nerve to impose on people who probably before, never knew that an international force existed. For these people international force is a second layer police, acting upon some stranger’s laws (their uniforms are feared, their actions are seen as completely arbitrary),…they loose identity, become secluded…in this view, peace-enforcement is more of a conquest than a real aid.

Character no.3: here we got the member countries of UN’s Security Council.  Practically this is the place where the real deal is widely known and also, the place where the real deal holds back or falls off.

The nature of the engagement that these countries have towards UN and its actions is very confused. First…because they are not obliged to follow any rule of international law, only an isolated treaty-based law, where the biggest possible sanction is exclusion from the body. Second …because their engagement, mediated by UN, is actually an engagement towards an international good cause, but that’s just an utopia’s image.

The real rules governing such bodies are not rules made in the spirit of justice; they are economic rules, made in terms of cost-benefit. In this terms…some wars seem expensive, others very cheap if u count out the outcome.

So…they’ve decided to put together a 15.000 people peace enforcement effective. U got to think of this as of a group of kids putting their money together, setting out to buy a piece of candy.

Some of them already know that candy and they don’t fancy the flavor, so, no…they ain’t gonna give their money.

Others know the candy, tasted it so many times before, became tired of it or found themselves dissatisfied…so,…no,..they ain’t gonna give their mney.

Other others know the candy, dreamed of it so many times, never got to taste it, although they’ve spent money on it before,…so,..it’s a high risk operation to try for it one more time, so,..no,..they’re gonna stick to chocolate this time.

The ones who actually put the money down for the candy…are: the ones who are ashamed not to; the ones who are obliged to (cauz’ that’s their curse: to always put money down for a bigger kid that’s gonna beat u up if he doesn’ get the candy); the ones who want, who like, and who can obviously afford the candy. They have just one more stair to climb on the candy eaters ierarchy,…u gotta stand in row for that candy…sometimes, …so many times. U gotta have a strong objective that blanks out tiredness and boredom;..and believe, strongly believe in the power of The Candy.

That’s what Italy is doing  right now (sending the biggest part of the starting effective). That’s what France isn’t doing no more (no need for that candy no more).

That’s what Germany has been doing for several years, pouring all sorts of troups everywhere, hoping for a permanent seat in the Security Council. Still…no candy.

That’s what US didn’t even bother to think of doing…cauz it’s a permanent member, it practically owns the Candy Shop…

Post #49

August 19th, 2006

Ar fi trebuit sa ma gandesc de doua ori la inceputuri..cand blogul s-a autocaptivat expresiv ca ‘nut-cracking’. A fost, de fapt, an uncensored glimpse. Daca as fi stiut atunci de cate ori va trebui sa privsc pe ecranul negru acele litere care desemneaza atat de perfect my daily life..I would of gone for something more joyful, more glittery, more trendy…se pare ca din glumele ieftine ranjeste sinceritatea.

Hibernez de trei sapatmani, poate chiar mai mult; I stopped counting de ceva timp..

Intre timp, in lume si in lumea mai apropriata, se intamla chestii importante. Ecranul televizorului zvacneste sonor in fiecare seara la ora 7…so yeah..the world is still out there..what a shame..for all of us, pretenders like me, pretending not to be a part of it.

In zile ca asta urasc oamenii care au viata..care au o viata de-adevaratelea. Stii…genul ala de oameni care arata cu degetul, rad si spun soptit in sinea lor: Oh, spare me! K’mon man, get a life! Am spus-o si eu de-atatea ori cand aveam impresia ca I am on top above all daily things, ca I got my programme, much longer than 9-5…but still, sunt zile goale, pe care le tragi constient si lipsit de noroc dintr-un mare pachet de carti; sunt cartoane blank…with no numbers to gamble upon, no smiley faces…

M-am luptat azi aproape o ora cu un prieten who was trying as hell to drag me outta the house. Cred ca am ramas si cu vanatai. De trei ori m-a luat in brate sa ma scoata pe usa, de trei ori am scapat..in final, nu am reusit decat sa ii fac lui nervi si sa raman din nou singura, cu regrete..nu pt ca as fi proasta..ci pt lipsa de bun simt. Uneori nesimtirea mi se autoimpune ca o clauza de salvagardare.

E ceva magic in zilele de vara toride, in care inchizi toate geamurile din casa, dai drumul la aer conditionat..si totul ramane in penumbra. In casa, singurele lumini raman liniile galbene care scapa prin jaluzele si se reflecta in oglinzi…ceva ce imi aminteste de copilarie. E ceva la fel de magic in cooking a meal for one, pouring carefully a glass of wine, carrying it in front of the tv, and enjoying the space around u. For a short time u find urself self-centered.

De fiecare data cand primesc in dar 2-3 zile de singuratate imi promit ca le voi folosi for thinking over, for makin the big decisions. What a bluff! All the big decisions in my life took me months of painfull disputes over nothin’ that was to become real; instead, no more than 10 seconds to make when the moment urged me to do it. Compromisurile sunt rapide; free choice, on the other hand takes a lot of time.

Mai pe seara am sa ies la o bere. Noaptea imi permit sa ies. The night is dead..no pretenders there…not me at least. Noaptea nu trebuie sa ma prefac ca I am a busy, target-oriented person. At night…doors aren’t ment to knock upon, phones are not ment to ring, nor to be answered…What a R-untitled1.bmp.

 

August 16th, 2006

Tocmai am vazut Lord of War (alias ‘Traficantul de arme’ …Nicholas Cage, Ethan Hawke, etc.) Too late in my life,…i know…the burtain of shame is pressing my shoulders.

Urasc filmele astea care seem so look alike cu o realitate pe care doar o intuim…de fapt ele asta sunt…o banuiala,..un pik mai mult,…o intuitie. Raman asa..pt ca sunt fantasmagorice, pt ca sunt arta, pt ca in studiourile de la Hollywood nu se intra cu legitimatii de feds decat pt droguri, in schimb, in multe alte birouri, pe sub , pe langa perdele…in hoteluri si mai ales in dormitoare, suna telefoane la ore tarzii…telefoane in care vb vocea unei intuitii sau a geniului din lampa..u never know…si tot pe langa, sunt pahare fine, de cristal, cu bauturi tari, fum de trabucuri, urechi predispuse care poarta cercei cu diamante…din atitudini omenesti iau nastere intuitiile forte…si ceea ce transpare..oficial -fantasmagoric, artistic -good story, optic -devine imaginea unei intuitii.

In mom ca astea ma gandesc ca in anumite franturi de arta nu este sublimul cel care accelereaza pulsul ci ceea ce respira sub panza si ceea ce scanceste dincolo de lentila…undeva o piele zgariata inca simte asta.

Poate pare delicios de delirious…dar asta este granitza paranoiei…si pragul este subtire….it’s a spider web that catches, makes walk on the edge, u fall in and then bounce back on the sides.

Filme ca asta ma fac sa imi readuc aminte de ce spunea Wittgenstein…limitele posibilului nu au nimik de a face cu etika sau constiintza…adik..maybe it catches u finally but not before doing The Deed; limitele posibilului sunt discursive,..sunt limitele in care putem gandi si vorbim…si da …there’s a lot of talking goin’ on in this world.

Si, desigur, dupa asemenea filme…vocatia mea etika seems again just a pathetic failure. Morala nu va fi niciodata atat de iute de picior, nici precautiile, nici prejudecatile…ceva din noi o ia tot timpul inaintea noastra pe o cale gresita.

Imi amintesc ca acum un an am intrebat un absolvent de teologie si filosofie daca se poate considera un pacat cel care este savarsit fara suportul constiintei (fara o constiinta a pacatului sau a greselii).

Sistemul juridic spune ca da..se cheama costiinta juridica si i se asociaza raspunderea juridica.

Ce spune religia? Religia spune ca nu, religia fura balanta din mana justitiei atunci cand aceasta are considerente sa dezechillibreze un taler;…o fura si apasa cu degetul in suflet. Il poate scoate plin de sange..dar amprenta trebuie pusa,..stigmatul ramane.

Studentul a zis ca nu..ca pacatul  ramane pacat si ca vinovatia exista…conform legii dvine care se instaureaza deasupra constiintei omenesti..pt ca de fapt…ea nu a fost cusuta oricum pe masura acesteia..ea este masura universului. Etica e un esec si echilibrul sta in alta parte…poate intr-o legitate, poate in divinitate.

Ce spune Dumnezeu? De cand sunt mica si stau noaptea pe geam intrebandu-ma, la o secunda dupa alung gandul si imi acopar urechea. Nu stiu daca vreau sa aud, nu stiu daca vreau sa cred ca vorbeste, nu stiu daca vreau sa fiu fanatica sau schizofrenica, nu stiu daca raspunsul nu ma va impietri pe loc. Niciodata nu stii efectul unei intrebari bine puse..riscul este intotdeauna anihilarea..

Inchei..pt ca deja am impresia ca de pe cer,  afara, au disparut stelele. Dupa acest post probabil imi va fi frika sa sting si lampa…