Voi scoate de la classified& strictly confidential dosare prafuite din ultimii 5 ani de zile…dosare facute ferfelitza, cu coperti roshiii ca sangele..le voi adulmeca, le voi deschide si voi arunca o privire fascinata de-alungul paginilor scrijelite..

No threat..o sa fie doar un discurs superfluu..muzical aproape..

Am vb in ultimele 3 zile cu 3 preteni(preteni si cunostinte pretenesti-barbati) despre relatii: despre posibilitate, despre calitate, despre sansa, despre expectantza…pure theory as in almost mathematical conclusive outcomes…fuckin’ shit!

I used to be the gambling women-kiddo type…nu m-am gandit niciodata, cand am atins prima oara cu mana mana celuilalt, la ce va sa fie. Nu am facut proiectii bazate pe statistica, nu am desenat linii, vectori, nu am rupt nuante din curcudeu..totul mergea cool..de pe-un telefon pe altul…pana la niste minime chestii care se subintelegeau cu vremea, chestii de genul: my favourite cigarettes, barul in care ne intalnim, my kind of music, my own obsessions & his- the spaces that are not to be intereffered with, no matter what…

Evident….relatiile fun & crazy dau chix…nu e o problema de formula ceea ce le taraste catre mormant ci ipocrizia care zace in toata faza cu fun&crazy.

Fun&crazy is like: “I’m fun, u are crazy” or “u are fun, I am crazy” or “we are crazy..and that’s fun”.. Funny thing…it can’t be funny-crazy till the end,…the crazyness runs out of fun into pure crazyness..and that’s a dead point.

We thought of each-other as being fun & crazy..and now..I find out that u can’t tell in so many words what’s going on in my head right now, as I am quietly, disrcreetly thinking about twisting ur arm or brakin’ ur neck…

Fun&crazy is tragic in no time…, fun& crazy dosen’t last for ever, fun& crazy e ca un raspuns la o intrebare retorica: We’ll stick to that,k?…

Mi-am luat o pauza de la genul asta de relatii in momentul in care imi dadeam seama ca oricat m-as bucura sau smiorcai intr-o zi de vara/iarna..e inutil…They are always just a scratch on the surface..the kind of surface that u tend to change over the seasons….

Mi-am dat seama ca sunt o ipocrita in momentul in care erau deja prea multi dintre oamenii cu care mi-am petrecut ultimii 4 ani de zile pe care abia daca ii mai salutam pe strada…nu prea aveam ce sa ne spunem…besides the Fun and the Crazy, besides the summer sun, the smoked bars during the winter, beisdes the alcohol rushing through our blood, besides tones of music and slippery nights..there was really nothing much to it….it’s just the feeling that u have waking up in the morning after a night of hard partying, when u look at urself in the mirror and find urself with an almost transparent conscience, as empty as a an empty glass…

And nowadays..switching sides and swithching plans I find myself wanting more..wanting quiet mornings with clean kitchens, empty ashtreys, open windows…I want a dog to walk in the park every morning, I want to find the same face when I come home, to smell the coffee…to enter, not just exit clubs holding hands…for once in my life…

And now…going back to No Doubt…yeah..I guess I want someone to give me “the most gorgeous sleep that I’ve ever had”….and someone to “look right through and underneath” and “to make me better”…

Why the ‘ broken glass’ u tell me? I tell u back: at times like these u realise that all the past tences in ur life were quite similar to simple pieces of glass, simple glass as in a square surface that u watched through from one side..but u could also, quite clearly, see the the other side as in ‘ where this is going’ or ‘the end’…Evidently, from time to time, u’d get tired of sitting and watching and not being able to move forward…cause the glass, still transparent, would be solid…so u’d pick it up and smash it to the ground, moving on forward, stepping on it, with boots or soft shoes..no matter what….So I guess, comparing to plain glass, everyone must be wishing for a mirror to be holding hands with, a mirror cauz it reflects and cauz it’s to precious to brake, and i’ve heard brakin’ it brings bad luck…

(all lyrics…No Doubt, Underneath it all)